Life can be amazing; life can suck. A bunch of shit can get in the way of relaxing and enjoying life. Most of us struggle to maintain our sanity, especially in these tough times. Most of us have worries that are like dark clouds over our heads: financial, legal, relationship, job, health, and family issues can easily weigh us down. How do we cope with all of these issues is what makes or breaks us. Believe me, I’ve been broken a few times. I’ve had every one of these troubles mentioned. I think it is harder to cope with these things today than what it used to be. Maybe it’s getting older, but life seems to be going at a faster pace, and when we do things like drink or take meds, it might help us deal with today, but it almost robs us of our coping skills. The biggest things about skills, is they have to be practice and maintained, or they lose their potency. If you take a professional fighter, they always have to train or their skills start to stagnate and fall. If a fighter does not practice their skills for a year and goes to fight, they will get destroyed.
I know I’ve fucked up in that regards. I used to be so much better and keeping on top of things. Now, I feel I can’t keep up. Yes, I have a lot more going on in my life than I used to, but I feel my coping skill have not kept up with my needs for my coping skills. With everything going on, I’ve come to realize how important it is to take time for yourself. Self care is one of those coping skills that needs practice. For someone like me who is an empath (or Highly Sensitive Person, HSP), it is difficult to carve out time for myself. I know I need it, but it’s hard to implement. I suck at setting boundaries and limits. I’m one of those people who believe if you’re not willing to go balls deep, why even do it.
None of us know how much time we have left on this earth. I found out yesterday that my grandmother died a couple of weeks ago. Now, I haven’t really spoken to her since 1998, so it isn’t really a loss for me. To me, she died long ago; however, it doesn’t mean it didn’t have an impact. Family is important, but not if they are toxic or prevent us from living our lives to the fullest. I’m not talking about being selfish and doing only things we want to do. I’m talking about family that puts their selfish needs above other members of their family members or they manipulate others for a specific outcome. I’m sitting outside in 45 degree F, cloudy weather writing this. It’s not because I like the cold so much. It’s because I’m enjoying a cigar, listening to nature as I write this. I’m trying to enjoy some of the little things while I can. Last night, I strung lights on the Christmas tree and filmed a fun video lip syncing to a Kevin Bacon (and The Old 97s) song with my girlfriend. That was amazingly fun! I enjoyed it more than I could have ever imagined enjoying putting lights on a tree. My last decade of Christmases have been shit, putting other people first while I was neglected. This Christmas, even with all of the dark clouds hanging over my head, has been the best Christmas I’ve had since I was a kid. Time to enjoy all of the little things in life so I can deal with all the bullshit I’m dealing with. Loving people isn’t worth it if they don’t love you back. This year, I feel loved more than I could have ever imagined, and in turn, it has allowed me to love more than I ever thought possible.