I struggle to admit that I am a bit lost. So many things have happened in the past few months, that it is hard to keep track of the good from the bad. When multiple good things happen that contradict each other, that can turn into a mind fuck. Needless to say, I struggle with the current pace of life. Going to school full time, working full time, son’s football practice and games (thankfully over – Super Bowl Champs!), family, and a bunch of other things, I am a bit overwhelmed. There are so many other things I cannot get into here.
Missed opportunities are a killer too. The problem with those, there are no warning signed you’re going to miss them. You think everything is great, then BAM! Like a shovel to the face, you realize you missed it. I wish I could go back in time to correct my mistakes, but I am nowhere near smart enough to bend the laws of physics or quantum mechanics. I’m lucky to be able to spell those words. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Sure, I fuck up a lot. I try to look at the brightest part of that fuck-up and move on. It hurts, and it is painful, but I cannot dwell on the past. If something is meant to happen, hopefully it will, if not now, maybe in the future. At least, I hope that is the case. I do not know if I can bear the fact that I am completely in control of a random future that is meaningless. Right now, all I know is I am a little lost in the dark. It’s like I have a candle in the middle of a pitch-black jungle. Fingers crossed I make it out.