It took me hours to figure out why I felt this way. Now that I know, it makes more sense- it wasn’t just breaking knews or confirmation of something…. it was that in the grand scheme of things, it’s time to stop bitching and face the facts.
Patience is part of adulthood. I need to have more, and I’m sure I know exactly where I’ll learn it, hard core. Give it a month or so and I will be forced to think for myself, and not only is it what i deserve, but maybe i need to feel totally alone to straighten the fuck up.
Everyone has good days and bad days. In the last “survival tips for first timers” the guy had a good attitude. Don’t waste your calls talking about your conditions or whats “new”. Use that time to find out how everyone else is doing, ask about their day and upcoming events and experiences.
In truth, i was holding my breath waiting to hear it would be almost a year I’d be alone. And i may be right. But I’m definitely not wrong about time inside. So getting that mentality down probably wont be mastered beforehand. But maybe i’ll come out a better person after. I do need to harden up. I know just the trick.
It really sucks when the person you love is hundreds of miles away. A paradox- you want to enjoy your freedom and each day. But you cant wait to see them again and hope time doesnt go too slow. Enough! Hope has been such a pain in my ass lately. The what ifs were mind numbing. I’m calling it off! Just roll with the punches. Keep shit to yourself. Try to be upbeat, if you’re not, who gives a shit? Pretend to be.
Anyway enough of this bullshit. Venting is a waste of other people’s time, and my own.