A Fuckin Rollercoaster


How many rollercoasters can a person ride in a day? A week? A year? Sure, if you’re talking about amusement parks, it depends on the constitution of their stomach. What about emotional rollercoasters? How many of those can a person handle? Are they quick rollercoasters that are done in short order, or do these rollercoasters last for years? Either way, it weighs on a person. Too many ups and downs can cause real damage.

I’ve been on such a rollercoaster for the past three years. Every time I think it will stop to let me off, it picks up more speed, and the operator just laughs at me. Before this, I was jumping from one rollercoaster to another for two or three years prior. Many rollercoasters are just as toxic as one big one, in some ways. The big difference is that small rollercoasters are done quickly. You know you’re on a different ride, so it might not feel so taxing. The longer the rollercoaster, the more it weighs on the psyche. You have no idea when it will be over, and you begin to lose hope.

Unfortunately, I’m preparing for the nuclear option. I do NOT want to use it, but I must be prepared to do so. What other option do I have? Do I continue to do as I am until my sanity runs out? Do I pull the ripcord now and take my chances? I honestly do not know. I’m the type who like to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. I cannot tell the future. If I could, I would not be in this situation right now. I do not know where this line in the sand should be. I do know that only time will tell.


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