That is the hallmark of evolution. We either adapt to our surroundings, or we succumb to them and die. Believe me, there are times when neither option is superb. When faced with a choice, I’ll always try to adapt. I’m not talking about extreme moral quandaries where adapting would mean sacrificing my soul to darkness. I’m just talking about plain, everyday adaptations to problems and situations.
Right now, I’m pretty much overwhelmed. There are so many things bombarding me, I feel like a spaceship flying through an asteroid belt at insanely dangerous high speeds. I can feel the impacts of the rocks hitting my shields. I’m trying to boost power to the shields, but I don’t have Scotty on board to divert power from some obscure system in a miraculous feat of ingenuity. My shields will hold, but sometimes, I doubt myself. I guess having 1% shields is still technically having shields.
Most of these tasks in life that challenge my calmness arrive in bursts. I’m still dealing with shit that happened almost two decades ago. I’m like the captain of a fifteenth-century sailing ship on a long voyage, my crew is starving and suffering from scurvy. I see a bit of land in the horizon. I know where I am and that there is plenty of food once we anchor ashore, but that land can’t come soon enough. Like many explorers, I’ve had to adapt in order to survive.
Living day to day, paycheck to paycheck isn’t fun. It sucks. If that’s all I knew, spotting this land might contain the excitement of seeing a mile marker that says Disney World is only 30 miles away (when I was younger and Disney wasn’t a woke dumpster fire). Now, it’s like I see that mile marker, and I have to piss so badly it actually hurts. I groan at the fact I have 30 minutes left to drive (in good traffic) instead of being relieved that the fourteen-hour trip is almost over. I’m impatient.
When the last six years have been a constant clusterfuck, constantly worried about everything from finding time to fix the house/car to whether or not I’ll have enough money to pay the mortgage. It has taken its toll on me. I love my family more than anything, and I would do anything for them. They are the reason why I worry so much. They are the reason I push myself past my limit. I’m trying to do everything in my power to give them the lives they deserve. Yes, sometimes I feel my shields draining. Sometimes, I can feel the gaze of my crew on me as they picture me like a big-ass turkey leg, ready to throw me over a spit and satisfy their hunger. I know this feeling of being overwhelmed will subside. It won’t go away unless I work on it. I can’t ignore it. I need to adapt and figure out better ways to help myself and have other people help me (when necessary). I will adapt and overcome all of this, for my family. We will survive.