All I Ask

In the past, all I asked in a relationship was to not be worthless. I mean, that isn’t too much to ask. Help around the house, help take care of the kids, and help with everyday life shit. I didn’t think that was too much to ask. The last two wives, did not fulfill those simple requirements. I mean, at first they did, but after so long, nope! They were good at making messes, but never cleaned them up.

In my first book, the arguments in the first chapter were real. I didn’t make any of the shit up. As a kid, I was always told to clean up my own messes. I don’t see how people can think they can make a mess and let someone else fix it. Who does that? I learned early on not to fuck around with that. My sister and I shared are a bedroom in the trailer when we grew up. My parents told us to clean our room or they would come in and throw anything that was on the floor away. While at school, they made good on that promise, and my favorite Transformer was gone. I did not make that mistake a second time. When I was a teenager, I realized that keeping my room clean was easier than cleaning a massive cluster fuck once a month. My sister didn’t learn that lesson, and she had mice living in a clothes pile in her room.

As an adult, I have always tried to clean up my messes when I make them. When I didn’t, I regretted it. I’m fucking tired of cleaning up messes others create. Throw away your fucking paper towels! Throw away your goddamn beer cans! Put your fucking dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Do people not have pride in their house? Now, I will admit that sometimes, I will let a section of the yard go, but it pisses me off, and I hate myself for it. It’s always 100 times harder to fix it than it would have been to do it right in the first place. In between marriages, I kept this house spotless, and it was fucking easy. Add two moochers, and it becomes insanely difficult.

Now, I think I’ve found someone that will actually help. I don’t require much help, but any little bit is an improvement over what I’ve been dealing with. After listening to what she has done over the last few days, I have no doubts it will be a massive improvement over what I’ve been dealing with over the last 18 years. Fuck, I feel old saying that. Anyways, I’m not a slave driver. I think relaxing is an important part of being an adult, even though I don’t really know what relaxing feels like. I’m always pushing myself, too far at times. I’ve never had the ability to relax like I think I should.

If someone works 12 hours a day, I don’t expect them to do hours of house work a day. I just expect them to clean up after themselves. If someone works 8 hours a day, they can at least do something to help. I mean, I work 8-12 hours, so it shouldn’t be that difficult if I can do it. Obviously, if someone doesn’t work, I would expect a little more around the house, but I don’t expect everything. As a functioning member of the household, I would put forth my fair share of work.

I don’t know what my real point is on this conversation. Maybe I’m just frustrated with my current situation. I never do anything half-assed. I full ass everything. Why go in if you’re not willing to go balls deep? I might not be the best at building a barn, but when I build one, I’m going to do it the best I fucking can, and I’ve built them before. Doing shit half-assed is for pussies and quitters. If I’m going to love, I’m going to with everything I have. If I’m going to build a barn, I’m going to give it my all, 100% working 16 hours a day until it’s done. I’m pretty damn sure this person is right there with me, and that is an amazing change of pace from what I’m used to.

One response to “All I Ask”

  1. I love the saying, “work hard, play hard”. I can’t genuinely relax (unless it’s a dedicated, rainy lazy sunday) unless I’ve done some work beforehand. There’s always shit to do. If I do a little bit, I feel I deserve the break I take.

    That being said- sweat equity, or the ability to make your worth in physical labor and personal effort, can be more valuable AND rewarding than working a job just to work.

    I always loved when I built motors (assisted) especially once it was able to run. There’s something really rewarding about building something, fixing and repairing things, or simply put- grinding out a job and seeing the work you’ve put into it.

    Way more satiating than typing in a computer filling out TPS reports and answering memos. But that’s my opinion. I’m hands on.

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