Back in the Habit

And no, I’m not talking about the second Sister Act move where they should have just stopped after the first one. I’m talking about how quickly people fall back into their habits after they say they are going to change. The wife is a non-functional alcoholic. She might halfway function at work, but she isn’t functional at home. After two years of trying to get her to help herself, I gave up and told her I wanted a divorce. She begged the next day that she’ll change. The day after, she made the decision we’re not getting a divorce. Yes, I know. She doesn’t know that’s not how it works. I let her believe that so she’d help get the house ready to sell. I did tell her that one tiny little fuck-up, and it’s all over, even though it was over before that. She’s had 1,000 second chances… literally.

Here we are, less than two weeks after I told her I wanted a divorce, and she’s back where she was. She’s not drinking 120oz of beer each and every day, but she’s getting damn close. Saturday, she did. She also started smoking again to boot. A couple short weeks, and she’s already where she left off. I rented a dumpster to clear out a bunch of trash. I’ve been the only motherfucker to put anything in it. She and her son saw me putting empty bottle of liquor in it, so I guess they feel they no longer have to feed the animals. It’s amazing how quickly people revert back to their learned behaviors.

I would feel bad if it wasn’t the 1,000th time of failure. I’d also feel bad for her son if he’d actually listen to life lessons I learned the hard way. She’ll figure out divorce is inevitable, either by getting the divorce papers served to her or me bringing another woman home. Both seem kind of like dick moves, but you can only say shit for so long before drastic measures are required.

I have a very close friend going through the same shit. A promise to be better, and a renege on that promise just a day later. We start to realize that we deserve better. Piss on broken promises. Fuck the same old bullshit. When you don’t go to your own son’s choir concert because you can’t stand the singing and you’d rather be drunk at home, you can find yourself another fucking life. I’m done being your bitch. You’re about to have a very rude awakening, and I’ve warned of this for years. It’s time to pay the piper. The debts are being collected. I’ve given fair warnings; now it’s time to lay in the bed that you’ve made, and it isn’t a good one.

I’m off to better things with better people. As my mom would say, “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”

One response to “Back in the Habit”

  1. You can’t title yourself as a failure. Whether you gave her a million chances or not. That’s one-way-love. You try til you collapse in defeat.

    We don’t control others even if we are trying to save them from their very self-destructive own ways.

    Maybe we relate, maybe we vicariously act as someone we wish was there for us the way we are for them. Ultimately, we are all adults responsible for our own actions.

    I wish I could give you a warm hug that let you feel you’ve done all you can on your own. It hopefully happens in due time. You can’t fix people that love being broken. It’s hard on you and so easy on them ;the way out isn’t selfish acts or pity. It is a very very unforgiving, difficult road to redemption no one can hold their hands on.

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