It doesn’t matter what I do, say, or think, I just can’t seem to win. I get a bonus from a job. A day later, a letter saying I fucked up on my taxes and owe more. I try to save time by explaining something and get accused of being insensitive. I try to educate someone on something, and they take offense. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but it feels like everything, and everyone, is out to get me. It’s almost working.
When I feel like I can’t win regardless of how hard I try, it’s easy for me to contemplating giving up, not caring if someone came up and shot me in the face. Going through a divorce, about ready to lose the house, one of my sons does not want to go back to his mother’s house, jobs at work are piling up, and it seems like I can do no right with the girlfriend. I’m afraid to say anything, even positive.
People take it for granted when they can confide in someone for anything. The only person I have to confide in will not listen because I’m somehow triggering negative emotions in her whenever I try to say anything. Right now, no one understands what I’m going through. I either don’t trust anyone to just listen, without judgement, or I’m somehow fucking it up with that person. It’s frustrating!
To make it even worse, I have so many things running through my head, I can’t remember shit. I can sit there and read something, and have no idea what the fuck I just read, or realize I was actually reading something. It’s like I have to remind myself to commit everything to memory, or I lose it. To make things even more confusing, shit has been happening that I don’t know how it would have happened. For example, the one wireless internet started acting like shit. It wasn’t working worth a fuck. It’s been like that for a week or so. Come to find out, there were two network cables plugged into a network switch and the router causing a network loop. Since this shit is dumb and it doesn’t have the spanning-tree protocol, it caused issues. I would have never plugged two network cables into a network switch and router, but it happened. I have no clue how it happened.
I just fucking found out, after I posted this, that the ex-wife was on a medication used to treat herpes, which if she had, she never disclosed. The girlfriend found the prescription bottle in a box in the garage. Now, imagine how that makes things even more fucked up. I’m in shock. I’ll be pissed after the shock wears off.
With everything going on, it almost feels like I’m going insane! Someone, or something, is fucking with me. Maybe I’ve looked up too many conspiracies and gone down too many rabbit holes. The ”masters” might be causing me to go insane… slipping shit in my water. Who the fuck knows? I guess all I can do is take it like a bitch for now. What else can I do?