Loving someone isn’t always easy. It’s not supposed to be. Even the beginning of the love is full of craziness. We all know the amazing euphoria of falling in love. Even that isn’t easy. Butterflies in the stomach; anxiousness waiting to hear from the person. Questioning whether or not the other person feels the same way about your is a mind-fuck in itself. Often times, we lose our appetite and don’t eat. Our minds are elsewhere, making work less productive. Even so, we continue on the ride.
Now, what happens when someone goes through some trauma or an unexpected life event? Do we quit because something is hard? Some people do. When they do, however, they miss out on the joy that is after the trial. No one likes going through the trials and tribulations of life. Not a single fucking person. When we love someone, we don’t look at the other person’s grief as a burden. Instead, we look at it as an opportunity to build up our significant other so their pain is more bearable. We know we can’t fix it. We know we hurt seeing our partner in their own pain, but we do not give up. We suck it up. We put on our own brave face and support the other person. Why?
We do it because we love that person. We do it because we would want the same support from them when we go through our own trials. We know that whatever trials are going on will be temporary. We all experience trauma and loss. We all experience grief and sadness. It’s our duty as a loving partner to be a shoulder to cry on, be a sturdy wall to lean on. When I think about this, I cannot help but think of the song ”Lean on Me” by Bill Withers. He sums it up perfectly.
Lean on me when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.
Some of us will do these things whether we love someone or not. Regardless, when you love someone, truly love someone, there is no fucking way you’ll let them suffer alone. Leaving them to suffer alone isn’t an option. Losing them would hurt more than helping. We feel a small part of their pain through our empathy, but that’s why we know they need us, more than ever. Some partners, including ourselves will try to prevent our loves from helping because we don’t want to burden them with our problems. Bill Withers covers that too.
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show.
Whether what we need to borrow is time, a shoulder to cry on, or a lawn mower, we have to swallow our pride and let our partners help. We are no good to anyone if we crumble under the stress. It’s ironic when we tell the same thing to our partners but ignore it ourselves. When we love someone deeply, and we are loved with the same depth, both parties should be there for each other; to help and to be helped.
Life and love isn’t always peaches and cream. It isn’t always fire and brimstone either. We have to take the bad with the good. It helps more than we realize when we have someone that is good help when shit is bad.