Mixed Messages

I realized yesterday that I send a lot of mixed messages. Not on purpose, mind you, but I do. It’s one thing to be ambiguous and not want to tip your hand when dealing with delicate matters. It’s quite another when you say one thing and your actions do another, even if it isn’t on purpose. Adding divorce into the mix doesn’t help.

When you say you want a divorce, you can’t go about like you’ve been going on for years. Your words do not match your actions. Now, if the person you want to divorce is delusional, that’s a different story. In those cases, you have to be especially vigilant to not send mixed messages. I have not been so vigilant. I didn’t even realize some of the mixed messages I was sending until I sent to my counseling session. I want a divorce, but I went to a concert with her and her son. I didn’t want to go, but I knew she wouldn’t make it there on her own, and I didn’t want to ruin her son’s first concert. I might be an asshole, but I’m not a monster.

I was still wearing my wedding band and her grandfather’s wedding band. I didn’t even realize it. I mean, I saw them on my fingers, but it didn’t click. I want a divorce, but I’m still wearing them. Mixed messages, dumbass! There is another piece to that though. It didn’t get brought to my attention until I was on a video chat with someone very special, and she asked about why I had two. I answered the question, but it also made me realize, mixed messages, dumbass! If I’m talking to this person about our future, and I’m still wearing my wedding bands, it doesn’t make much sense.

I was going to write this blog in the morning, but I remembered that if Operation Ripcord is was going to be successful, I had to make sure I finished the checklist. I can’t want to have a future with this person if I put my writing first. I didn’t want to send mixed messages there.

When you want to sever ties, send messages that say that. When you say you want to be around someone, send messages that you do. Mixed messages confuse people and cause conflict. I want less conflict in my life, even if I have to go through some temporary shit.

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