How do you tell someone you’re done? How do you tell them their services are no longer needed? As with everything in life, it depends on the situation for sure. Firing someone because their work ethics are horrible is a lot easier that telling someone you’ve been with for years that it’s time to move on. It’s time to move on because you already have (to a certain degree). You can’t say, “It’s nothing personal; it’s just business,” because it is solely personal.
Being someone who has a lot of empathy, it’s really difficult. Saying the words themselves isn’t, but I know it’s going to hurt a lot of people, not just the person I have to tell. The last thing I want to do is cause people pain and grief; however, I’ve been living in pain and grief for at least a year. Truth be told, I’ve been living in pain and grief almost the entire time; I just didn’t realize it. I thought this or that was a one time thing, and I was dealing with my own issues.
What makes this situation even more difficult for an empathetic person is that the person is finally acknowledging they have a problem with addiction. Am I going to complicate things by dropping this bomb? Maybe. Do I care for this person? Yes. Am I still in love with them? No. After years of being beat down by someone with an addiction, constantly being blamed for things I had nothing to do with, the love was beaten out of me, slowly replaced by resentment.
How did this happen? When people drink a lot or do drugs alone, they are generally running from something. I’m the type of person that wants to know if I have a problem. I can’t fix it if I don’t know it’s broken. I also do not like shit hanging over my head. I’ll attempt to resolve issues, even if I think it might be painful. This is my fault, or that is something I screwed up. I wanted to have the conversation to understand how I did something wrong. Nope! That conversation would never happen. If it did, it was vague generalizations with no supporting evidence, usually when she was drunk. After a while, I just became beat down and no longer cared. I’d go through the motions, but I wasn’t really there. I had no emotions invested.
So, here we are now. It’s time to move on because I already have. How do I start the conversation, especially when she’s always drunk or sleeping? I know I will be guilted into leaving at the most needed time. Truth is, I’ve been trying to help for years but always rejected. I doubt there is ever going to be a good time to have this conversation. I’ll just have to bite the bullet and prepare for an epic meltdown of monumental proportions. I have all of the guns hidden for my safety. I don’t know how everything will play out, but I can’t do this anymore. I have to pull the ripcord and let the parachute take me safely somewhere else. For my safety and sanity, I have no other choice.