The Pause Button


There is a pause button on our remotes for a reason. Sometimes, we just can’t handle what is happening or life throws something that hits us right in the face that we can’t pay attention to what’s on the screen. Life doesn’t have the same type of pause button, but sometimes, we just need to hit the proverbial pause button and pause our thoughts, actions, and/or decisions. Why? To better understand what is going on around us.

After the disastrous events of last week, I thought the love of my life was gone, I was devastated. I kept thinking to myself, “What the fuck happened? Did I fall into the same pattern of picking crazy women?” Granted, all women are crazy; it’s a spectrum. It took that night of being apart for both of us to think about what we just lost. By mid-morning, our conversations started up again, and we started to realize that neither one of us fully understood what the other one was thinking. We both thought the other one said “it’s over” first. That day, we mended our fences. We understood that neither of us wanted to end it. Things just spiraled out of control.

When life gets fucked up, I always try to ask myself, “What could I have done differently?” We can’t change the past, but we can help ourselves in the present and future by better understanding why things happened the way they did. In this instance, both parties had faults. The one things we both realized is that we are both empaths. We feed off each other. When it’s positive, it’s really positive. When it’s negative, it’s really negative. That’s where we need to hit our pause buttons and chill a bit. When doubt creeps into the picture, it can cause massive chaos with fear. “Does she really love me? Did I make a mistake? What did I do wrong? Did I say something stupid?” If we would have paused, calmed down a bit, and reconnected, the events of that night might not have happened. Regardless, we are now better able to communicate because of it.

Some people would try and figure out who was “more wrong.” Fuck that noise! It’s not about who’s more right or more wrong. It’s about figuring out where the breakdown occurred and then fixing it. When something like that happens, everyone feels shitty. Why compound the shitty feelings by figuring out who should feel more shitty? If both people love each other, and we do, we’ve already beat up ourselves enough. It’s about building up the other person and the relationship. Every single person our age is fucked up in some manner, carrying their own baggage through life. Realizing that during an argument isn’t easy.

Pause. Responding is different than reacting. Pausing allows us to respond better instead of reacting purely out of emotion. Pausing during an argument to think about the situation is like taking a break from mowing the lawn to drink a cold glass of water. You might just want to get it over with, but you need the break to hydrate yourself. Well shit, that was a bad analogy, but I’m starting to peter out. I forgot to take my meds this afternoon. I’ll do a more focused post a little later.

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