These last few posts have been about struggling with patience and waiting. When one is struggling with these issues, one has to ask themselves if it is worth the wait. I mean, waiting five hours to ride a 30 second ride is not worth it to me. I don’t care if the ride makes me cum, piss, shit, and sneeze at the same time, it’s not worth it. I won’t do one of those, wait-until-the-end posts. Yes, this current struggle is well worth the wait. Every interaction, story, conversation, feeling, etc. tells me that I would live a lifetime of regrets if I didn’t wait. There’s no doubt in my mind! Coming from someone that doubts and questions everything, those are big words to form a very powerful statement.
How do I know it’s worth the wait? That might be too complicated to answer easily and be fully understandable, but simply, she’s amazing. Yeah yeah, every dumbfuck says shit like that before dating the wrong person. Believe me, I’ve said those words before, but never have they had the evidence to back it up. Each time, the person was maybe slightly better in certain aspect than the last, but there were always mountains of red flags, something that I am attracted to. To say that I am physically and emotionally attracted to a person that hasn’t really shown any red flags, yet I’ve had daily interactions with for many months, speaks volumes. Believe me, I’ve been looking. As state in previous posts, the red flags I thought I found were either me remembering incorrectly, or not really red flags after investigating. That isn’t to say there won’t be red flags because every person has at least one.
Does this alone make it worth it? Simply put, yes, but that isn’t the entire story. We’ve all gone through bullshit in our lives. We’ve all dealt with mediocracy in our lives. When someone comes along that shines above all else, it’s impossible to not pay attention to that. How can I go through life knowing I ignored the fucking universe and didn’t take this chance? Who talks about finding ticks on them on the same fucking day? I’m a firm believer in that I would rather take a chance and fail miserably than not take the chance for happiness at all. I mean, maybe that’s why I’m in this current divorce predicament right now, but this feels different in every possible way. I’ve put a considerable amount of thought into this. I’ve put mental and physical resources into this.
I’m ready for happiness. I finally realize that I deserve to be happy. I’ve always been the one to sacrifice everything for everyone else with getting nothing back in return. I have finally met someone who has the same commitment to sacrifice and love that I do. Two people who are used to providing love and support for others who do not reciprocate finally finding each other? That’s magical right there, and that is definitely worth a thousand lifetimes of waiting.