When You Love Someone…


People will debate what constitutes as love until the end of humanity. In the end, it is an individual perception of what you think love is versus what someone else does. If two people don’t agree on the definition of love, the relationship is doomed to fail. I might have some expertise in this area since I’m divorced twice. Am I in the wrong or the right? Again, it might be a judgement call.

I’ve been through some fucked up shit in my life. It might not compare to what a lot of people consider fucked up. Then again, it might be way more than some people can handle. My definition of love is being able to gladly sacrifice everything for a single person. I will sacrifice happiness, food, clothing, etc for a lot of people. Some might stop there. The true definition of love, in my opinion, is the willingness to sacrifice one’s own life for someone. There is no doubt that I would sacrifice my life for my children. Any good parent would agree without hesitation. Some people, including myself, would do that for total strangers. Is that really considered love? Maybe, or maybe not.

The girlfriend and I have just gone through a bought of covid. I don’t really give a shit what your opinions are on the subject. That’s not the point. I’ve never officially tested positive for it. You can’t test positive if you don’t get tested. I’ve lost my sense of taste/smell twice now. The first time was for a year. I don’t give two shits if you were vaccinated or not. There’s plenty of real science behind the bullshit science that is shoved down our throats. I am about a day or two ahead of her in my symptoms. I was at a customer’s site that was closed two days after I arrived because they all were sick from it. I’m sure I brought it home. The kids didn’t show any symptoms, but the girlfriend and I did.

Now, I’m not your typical man. Most women would say that men are the worst patients at being sick. I’m the worst because I refuse to let the sickness rule my life. This generally means that I’m going to be stubborn and refuse to admit I have any symptoms for at least two days. I’ll push myself to work through the sickness, even if the work is home shit like doing dishes, fixing the deck, or cutting wood. I don’t have time to get sick. In past year or so, I’ve come to realize that I have to rest in order to recoup faster. It’s painful, and it sucks. It’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. When I am really sick, I don’t want help. Maybe it is arrogance or pride, but I don’t want people to sacrifice their time to help me. I don’t feel worthy of it. When I’m really sick, I just want people to leave me alone. I’ll sleep a long time and get food or drink when I need it.

On the opposite end, I’ll help people when they are feeling like shit. In the same way I feel like, ”don’t worry about me when I’m sick,” I feel like, ”don’t worry about me when you’re sick.” It seems a little weird. My girlfriend is sick with covid. I’m cooking dinner, cleaning the house in a way that won’t disturb her rest, going to work, taking care of the dog, etc. She feels bad I’m doing things for her, and I feel bad that she feels bad about that. I don’t want her to have to worry about me, the house, or the animals. I’ve got it! At the same time, I know what it is like to feel guilty to rely on other people to do the things I can’t.

This is where I define love in a relationship. Love is not about yourself but the other person. I know she loves me because she feels guilty when she’s sick and takes care of me when I am. I know I love her because I feel guilty when I’m sick, and I enjoy taking care of her when she is. I don’t enjoy her being sick, but it brings me satisfaction to take care of her when she is feeling like shit. I don’t do it for ”brownie points.” I do it because I genuinely care for her. I want to sooth her ailments.

To me, love is sacrificing even when you have nothing left to give. Love is when you care about the other person more than yourself. Love is sacrifice. I’ve said in the past that those who sacrifice nothing while everyone sacrifices everything selfish. Those who sacrifice everything, while expecting nothing, are the ones who give love unconditionally. I’m just happy I have found a partner who is on the same page. We sacrifice everything expecting nothing, but we get everything anyways because we both sacrifice everything, expecting nothing.

I love her, both because she loves me and she deserves love.

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