Am I the Only One That Cares?

I swear that I’m the only one that gives a shit sometimes. The amount of fucking laziness that people display is infuriating! It makes it even more so when I bust my ass to get shit done. Think this is an exaggeration? Let’s see…

I own and operate a business and have a side business. I take care of the farm, every aspect of it. I feed/water the animals in the morning and the evenings. I buy the hay and feed. I fix and make improvements to the barn. In the winter, I buy the wood and put wood in the wood burner in the morning and the evening. I manage the propane. I do all household repairs and maintenance. I mow the grass. I maintain the driveway. I maintain the mower, tractor, and three vehicles. I do the laundry 90% of the time. I usually end up doing dishes because no one else will. I do all the pool maintenance. I almost always feed and water the indoor cats. I always clean the litter box. I almost always take out trash and take the trash cans up and down the driveway. I manage all of the utility bills. I almost always get the groceries. I’m almost always the one that takes the kids to their sporting events/practices and picks them up. I mean, what else is there?

I hardly ever have time to watch TV or movies. I’m always cleaning up after people. I swear I have four children in a household of five. When any issue arises, everyone calls on me to fix it, even if it’s something stupid. Owning a business requires a lot of extra work. When I’m trying to get caught up, I get accused of not caring or having an extramarital affair. I don’t have time for that shit (the extramarital affair shit, not the caring)! I have one disabled child. He can do more than we push him to do, but I do not expect him to pick up a lot of the slack. He would though. Cerebral palsy and autism aside, he’s the “smartest” of the children. He can figure things out that no one else cares to. Everyone else just watches out for them, while I watch out for the entire family. It gets exhausting.

I write this partly for therapy. Putting it in words helps relieve anxiety and rage that I do not want to burden anyone else with. What are they going to tell me? I shouldn’t have remarried? I should do this or that? I also write it for those who might stumble across this and be in the same situation. It isn’t hopeless, even though I pretty much feel that it is. My intelligence says it can be overcome. The way to overcome it is still unclear. Kick everyone out of the house? Beat everyone into submission? Give up and join a circus? I honestly do not know, but I know emotions and overrule common sense (it’s happened to me many times). I wanted to be able to quantify/list the gap (giggity) between who does the tasks to make sure I wasn’t being overly dramatic.

One response to “Am I the Only One That Cares?”

  1. During a semester at sea all 14 students took turns with different responsibilities. A wheel labeled who was responsible for buying the food and then being the chef/su-chef for all 17 members of our schooner. Others got toilet (head) cleaning duty, dishes, setting up and breaking down tables and place settings. Etc etc. Everyone had something and it alternated.

    Of course I was one of the only ones who overlooked shit so I prevented a propane tank explosion, an anchor from dropping whilst underway cruising with a torn sail (jib, again I forewarned) and. Somehow one of 4 out of 14 who had a late shift and did not to “group food” over the side of the 9 foot swells in pitch black.

    Point being. Yea. Of course. Pushed past your limits, you know you will handle yourself with composure and accuracy, sharp thinking.

    However the shackles of caring about things no one else does- it’s like playing chicken with a drunk, a child or someone suicidal. It will be more disheartening than anything else.

    I would rather be alone than have to deal with any more dead weight.

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