Shit Just Got Blowed Up

One problem with dealing with an addict, especially one that is in the end stages of that addiction, they are as irrational as a two-year-old kid that is sleep deprived. Every little thing is some catastrophe caused by other people. It’s always my fault. It’s my fault she drinks too much. It’s my fault she was talking to her ex-boyfriend after we got married. It’s my fault they found a lump in her breast that turn out to be benign. No, it fucking isn’t! Take responsibility for your own actions! I didn’t make you buy a 15 pack. I didn’t make you keep drinking until you passed out on the floor.

“I’m begging for help!” Check your self into a detox place, like everyone is telling you to do. You’re not begging for real help. You’re begging for sympathy. You’re begging for a quick fix that no one do. You have to help yourself. We have already tried helping by making appointments you never went to. You lied to the doctors. You lied to your friends. You lied to everyone, yet you want everyone else to help you?

Then, you storm out saying you might as well kill yourself. Then, you start a long text saying everything would be better off if you were dead. Quit with the dramatics! Excuse after excuse. I’m tired of it. I’m done with it. I cannot trust you anymore. For everything difficult, you find an excuse. Enough!

I can’t spend the rest of my life fighting over stupid shit that is blamed on everyone else, including me. I have a support structure that I didn’t think was possible. You had a support structure, but you’ve alienated everyone away. I have people in my life that truly care. I have someone who helped me when I needed it, without regards to how they were going to benefit from it. Ending a relationship hurts. The potential that was there is gone. The “happily ever after” didn’t even last a couple of months before it turned south. After years of attempting repairs, I’ve got to move on. I have a lot of physical work that needs done around the house, but it’s gotta happen. It has to be sold.

This one was all over the place. It’s just a firehose of shit spewing out of my brain. I’m putting the past behind me, and I’m looking towards the future. I know someone that loves me. I have family and friends that care. I’m going to focus on the positive.

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