My Soul Aches

It’s hard to look at the good things in life when the negative seem so overwhelming. I’m trying to think of positive outcomes in a mountain of horse shit. I’m thinking about how it’s possible for repeat offenders and violent criminals to just get let out, but a single mistake in a reaction can damn someone to jail. What the fuck has our world come to?

I’m not saying people shouldn’t have some consequences to their mistakes, but there should be context taken into account. If someone ODs on a drug, and they need NARCAN, fine. They can be saved to get their lives in order. I don’t think someone should be NARCANed seven times. If someone misses a house payment or gets behind on the mortgage, they should be allowed a little time to get things back in order. If the person is a serial abuser of credit and always goes bankrupt, there has to be a line drawn somewhere.

I can’t do anything but offer support and sit on the sidelines. I have an overwhelming sense of guilt. I didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, but maybe I could have done something better that would have prevented this entire situation. Maybe my guilt is misplaced. Maybe these events needed to happen for us to be happy in the long run. I don’t fucking know. All I know is that I cannot change the past, and my chest literally aches from sadness and guilt. In the end, I know we are all responsible for our own actions. I cannot control the actions of others. I shouldn’t feel guilt for something I didn’t do. That being said, watching someone I love see the possible ramifications of her actions, which on the extreme end are unwarranted, is brutal. I’m sure it’s much worse for her, so I should just shut my pie hole and be supportive. It still fucking sucks.

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