The title says it all: Personal growth sucks! There is no growth without pain and discomfort. If we’re lucky, growth is just uncomfortable while we better ourselves; however, most of the time, it is painful. I’m going through something right now that just sucks bobcat balls. Watching loved ones go through painful personal growth is also gut wrenching. While it sucks, discomfort and pain is necessary for personal growth.

Even physical growth sucks. Boys typically experience “growing pains” as their bodies grow at insane speeds during adolescence. Having experienced that, it sucks in the moment, but I wouldn’t be six feet tall if I didn’t experience them. Unfortunately, personal growth pains know now age limit. There is no magic pill or incantation that can make the pain go away AND allow for personal growth. Our society has failed at this. Society thinks people shouldn’t experience emotional, psychological, or physical pain. Anything that causes pain must be bad. Sometimes it is, but often times, it’s the mechanism we need to better ourselves and grow as an individual. If we weren’t pushed into growth, we would remain static and just as we are now. This is one of the reasons why we see 20-40 year olds acting like teenagers. They never had to “grow up” as my parents would say.

Being a person who suffers from not being able to set and enforce boundaries, I’ll use this as an example. It’s a very broad topic that has many implications and forms. I have a hard enough time setting boundaries. I do not want to disappoint people. Running my own business in the IT service industry, setting too rigid of boundaries can hurt business. There is a fine balance, but not setting boundaries has gotten me to where I am now, burnt out. Even if I manage to set boundaries, enforcing them is even harder. The good people get used to the lack of boundaries. Some don’t know the hardship it causes. The evil people don’t care about other’s feelings and boundaries. Changing the behavior of good people to know and respect boundaries requires me to keep firm with my boundaries and explain why they are there. Usually, they are accommodating, but it takes a while for them to be able to change their behaviors without reminders. The assholes out there will push the boundaries without care to my explanations or feelings. This is where I need to figure out whether I want to keep them in my life (as a customer or as a friend).

This all sound simple. Counselors and therapists can say these words, and I can understand them, making complete sense; however, implementing them will cause discomfort, or maybe pain. I could lose business. I could lose friends. I can’t grow without going through this process though. Do I remain static and burnt out, or do I go through some discomfort and grow? The choice is logical, but logic itself does not overrule brain chemistry. Sure, I could takes some meds to help the brain chemistry, but that retards the growth. It could even reverse the growth! There are things I have been able to handle in my past that I no longer can. My tools for coping have rusted and no longer function. The sad fact is that restoring tools I once used is a lot harder than if I would have just kept those tools well oiled. It’s at least twice as much work, but that work is compressed into a shorter time frame, making growth suck even more.

I am determined though. If I keep living like this, I won’t live very long. Stress destroys the body. Going through this discomfort will cause stress, but it is a lot less stress than continuing to be burnt out. My choices, combined with my circumstances has led me to where I am right now. I have no one to blame but myself. If the world turns to shit, do I blame the world for not preparing? The person who put in the time in effort to prepare will not be as negatively impacted as me. I could blame the world (the circumstances), but I had a role in how the events affected me. Personal growth sucks, but I’m not happy with the way I’ve handled things in the past (emotionally, psychologically). The only way to change that is to do the hard work now that I put off for years. I will faulter at times, but I need to keep moving forward and growing. The growth will be slow, but since perfection is unattainable, progress is the only option. At least I have support. At least I have my rock to help strengthen me, giving me the fight to want to go through this pain. The more I grow, the stronger I’ll get, and the less I will be affected by my faults.