From One Extreme to the Other

I’ve gone from the wife essentially ignoring me for the past two years to her not leaving me the fuck alone! I completely misjudged her reaction to me telling her I wanted a divorce. I really thought she was going to walk off the cliff into total self destruction. Instead, she walked off the ledge into over compensation, completely ignoring boundaries. I can’t even take a shit without her asking what I’m doing. She’s been uber paranoid abut me cheating on her, which I am not. I haven’t denied I’ve been talking to someone, but I haven’t admitted it either. Then again, I’m not talking to someone around the block. Having a 644 mile gap between people, isn’t conducive to cheating. If I had a portal gun, that might be a different story. Regardless, talking to people isn’t a crime.

I can’t even get normal texts without being questioned. Owning a business, a lot of people have my number. There are some days, I get hundreds of texts. Working with a lot of nurses and social workers means working with a lot of people with fucked-up senses of humor. Nurses are usually fucked up individuals. The only people to top them are social workers. Obviously, there is a spectrum. My dad is not as fucked up as some of these people that I’ve talked to. I apologize for this little tangent, but I guess the point is that not every text is necessarily easy to explain or won’t offend normal people. If I have to explain that I’m taking a shit, good luck explaining some of the inside jokes of business texts, let alone some of the shit from 644 miles away. To be fair, there’s no explaining some of those messages.

Back to the primary topic. She used to be so self-absorbed into her phone, television shows/movies, and drinking, that she ignored me and rarely spoke. We haven’t had a real conversation in, well shit, I can’t remember. It’s been a long-ass time. The last real conversations had to do with talking her down from an emotional ledge with her previous job. I don’t have any clue when the last good real conversation was. She went from that to just a barrage of small comments that are closed-ended statements that leave little room for anything but an “okay” as a response.

“I’m going to do better.”

“I’m going to look for a second per diem job.”

“There aren’t any stars out. It’s so dark outside.”

After saying “okay” so many times without any type of follow-up from her to expand the conversation, I just stopped responding. Of course, then I get comments about how I never talk to her anymore. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to explain to her that there being no stars has nothing to do with the fact it is dark outside? More accurately, there are stars out there, but it’s cloudy, thus making it impossible to see those stars with our naked eyes, but still the concept of there being no stars and the amount of light AT FUCKING MIDNIGHT!!! (sorry) has nothing to do with how dark it is, and that the clouds are blocking the sun’s reflection of the moon that is the primary cause of the perceived “more darkness” that you are attempting to articulate? Basically, am I supposed to be a dick and correct your poor choice of words in a limited statement?

I’m sorry, but I can excuse a dumb statement here and there, but when the majority of someone’s statements are so limited, it feels like I’m talking to a four year old, I just can’t. I’ve had gloriously meaningful conversations with depths that rival the Mariana Trench with someone 644 miles away, and I’m supposed to have a conversation based off of a close-ended nine-word statement?

We went to a concert last night. The music was good. I enjoyed that part. I spent the entire 1.5 hour drive listening to two people talk about similar topics (but not the same thing) and then argue each other’s points to try to convince the other person of what they were talking about. It’s maddening! Add in some squirrel comments (“Up” reference) that had nothing to do with the current topics thrown in the middle, and it’s like having an entire Jerry Springer episode made up of single sentences from every show. It makes no fucking sense! Oh, and let’s add some subject changes in a conversation without any type of notification that it is a different subject. Okay, let’s admit that I use the term “conversation” loosely. Anyways, at the concert, I snapped a little. After hearing her yap, I put my face in my hands. She then tells me that I used to talk to her and have conversations. “Conversations?” I asked. “All you’ve been doing is complaining! ‘That woman’s bag is larger than mine. I think the lady at the gate is just a bitch. These steps are steep. The line was too long.’ What am I supposed to respond with other than, ‘Okay?’” She pauses for a second and then says, “Well, you used to talk to me.”

This one is a long one, I know. (That’s what she said.) How can I go from having intelligent conversations with one person to the most mind-numbing one-liners that are expected to be turned into conversations but seems more like what a mortician would have with corpses they are working on at the funeral home? How do I go from having space, which I need sometimes, to having a hyper chihuahua nipping at my heels wherever I go in the house? It’s just exhausting! It really is like going from one extreme to the other. Unfortunately, the extremes are not good either way.


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